Becoming Happier

Ven. Pomnyun Sunim 저자(글)

정토출판 · 2022년 11월 28일

책 소개

당신은 행복해질 권리가 있다
법륜 스님은 지난 30년 동안 대한민국은 물론 세계 115개 도시의 강연장과 길 위에서 수많은 사람들을 만나왔다. 그들은 법륜 스님에게 결혼은 어떻게 해야 하는지, 자식은 어떻게 키워야 하는지, 직장생활은 어떻게 해야 하는지, 사회적 갈등과 세상의 불평등은 어떻게 해결해야 하는지 묻는다. 일견 모두 다른 질문 같지만 자세히 들여다보면 문제는 결국 ‘행복’이다.
Beoming Happier은 그 간절한 물음에 대한 응답이다. 수많은 사람들이 법륜 스님에게 던진 질문과 그 답변 중 가장 많은 공감과 뜨거운 호응을 얻었던 내용을 엄선한 행복 안내서인 셈이다. 온전한 행복은 어디에서 오는가에 대해 집중적으로 이야기하고 있으며, 개인의 마음가짐을 강조했던 기존 저서와는 달리 행복을 이끄는 또 다른 바퀴인 사회문제도 함께 다루고 있다.
그렇다면 법륜 스님이 말하는 행복해지는 길이란 과연 무엇일까. 그는 우리가 괴로움에서 벗어나 온전히 행복해지기 위해서는 사물의 전모를 보는 통찰력을 키우고, 행복하지 못한 원인을 분명히 알 때 비로소 문제해결의 길도 열린다고 말한다. 이처럼 냉정하지만 따뜻하고 단순하지만 명쾌한 법륜 스님의 행복론은 행복해지고 싶지만 길을 몰라 헤매는 이들에게 보탬이 되어준다.
이 책은 현실과 동떨어진 공허하고 허황된 이야기는 제쳐 두고 오직 삶의 현장에서 일어나는 구체적인 괴로움을 어떻게 해결할 것인가에 초점을 두고 있다. 그러다보니 에둘러 표현하지 않고 정곡을 찌르는 화법이 다소 직설적으로 느껴질지도 모른다. 그러나 어떤 질문에도 질문자의 처지를 고려하면서 따뜻한 마음과 해법을 담아 이야기한다는 점에서 그 어떤 친절한 말보다 위안을 준다.

You Have the Right to Be Happy
During the past 30 years, Ven. Pomnyun Sunim has met a great number of people in the street and at Dharma Q&As all throughout Korea, as well as in 115 cities around the world. People ask him questions on various matters such
as how to get married, how to raise children, how to do well at work, and how to resolve social injustice and inequality in the world. At first glance, they appear to be different questions, but if you look closely, they are all ultimately about how to be happy.

Becoming Happier is the response to this most common of questions. It is basically a guidebook to happiness, composed of carefully-selected content from the many conversations Ven. Pomnyun Sunim has had, especially those that garnered the most empathy and enthusiasm. The book focuses on the question of where true happiness comes from, and unlike existing books that only focus on cultivating your mindset as an individual, Becoming Happier also addresses social issues.

Then, what is the path to happiness according to Ven. Pomnyun Sunim? He says that in order to free ourselves from suffering and become truly happy, we need to gain insight and see the full picture. His point is that when we clearly know the cause of our unhappiness, we can find a way to solve the problem. This logic behind happiness is objective yet heartwarming and simple yet clear and can help all those who want to be happy but feel lost because they do not know the way.

Instead of grand theories or idealistic concepts detached from real life, Becoming Happier is a book that explains how to solve specific problems that cause us suffering in our daily lives. As a result, Ven. Pomnyun Sunim’s remarks are direct, even blunt, as they go into the heart of the matter. Nevertheless, there is no doubt that Ven. Pomnyun Sunim speaks with compassion, which makes his advice not only specialized to the individual questioner’s circumstances but also truly comforting.

작가정보

저자(글) Ven. Pomnyun Sunim

Ven. Pomnyun Sunim is a peace activist who delivers messages of peace and reconciliation, a humanitarian activist who provides various forms of aid to developing countries, a thinker who is paving the way toward a new alternative civilization, and an awakened practitioner. In 1988, he founded the Jungto Society, a community of practitioners who vowed to free themselves from suffering and devote themselves to serving others and the world by leading the life of a bodhisattva.
Ven. Pomnyun Sunim’s Dharma talks are clear and straightforward. He has an exceptional ability to explain the Buddha’s teachings in simple, contemporary language. As a result, his spoken and written messages go straight to the heart of the matter and enable people to redirect their eyes inward and self-reflect. Furthermore, the esoteric content of Buddhist sutras come to life through his wisdom, intuition, and insight.
As of April 2022, YouTube videos of Sumin’s Dharma talks have had more than 1.7 billion views. He shares his wisdom with the general public on how to free themselves from suffering and how to become happy through his Dharma Q&As and the Happiness School program. To date, he has delivered more than 12,000 Dharma Q&As in South Korea and about 300 Dharma Q&As in other countries around the world, including the 115 talks he gave during his global tour in 2014. Also, since the Covid-19 pandemic began in 2020, Ven. Pomnyun Sunim has been interacting with hundreds of thousands of people through his weekly online Dharma Q&As in Korean, and bi-weekly talks in English. (See his website: https://pomnyun.com/)
Among the more than 50 books Ven. Pomnyun Sunim has published in Korean so far, the most notable are Things Are Good as They Are Now, Buddha, and Commentary on the Diamond Sutra. His books encompass a wide range of subjects. His books, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, Becoming Happier, and I Am a Decent Person, provide insightful advice to young people. Lessons for Life is a guidebook for people living in modern society. Prayer: Letting Go is a manual for lay practitioners. Practice Guidebook for Teachers imparts wisdom to teachers. The River of Life Flows discusses an alternative solution to the environmental problem. And Why Is Unification Necessary? offers a vision for peace and unification on the Korean peninsula.
Some of these books have been translated into other languages, such as English, French, Thai, Japanese, Chinese, and Vietnamese. Eight books have been translated into English, including Awakening, True Freedom, Prayer, and Monk’s Reply to Everyday Problems, to list a few. Six books have been translated into Chinese, 3 books into Thai, 2 books into Japanese, 2 books into Vietnamese, and 1 book into French. Among the few books that were translated into multiple languages is My Happy Way to Work, which was translated into Thai, Chinese, Japanese, and Vietnamese. Another is Becoming Happier, which has English, Vietnamese, and Japanese versions. Based on the idea that practice at the individual level goes hand in hand with social engagement, Ven. Pomnyun Sunim has engaged in extensive peace initiatives for various causes including a peaceful unification of the Korean Peninsula, refugee support, international relief efforts, and interfaith reconciliation and cooperation. Throughout the years, he has received numerous awards in recognition of his efforts. In 2002, he received the Ramon Magsaysay Award for Peace and International Understanding, and he was presented with the 37th Niwano Peace Prize in 2021.

목차

• PREFACE
  You Have the Right to Be Happy Regardless of Your Life Situation
  
  Part 01 Why Doesn’t Life Turn Out the Way We Want It to?
  Choice and Self-Contradiction / Between the Ideal and the Real / Walk Out of the Prison of the False Sense of Self / The Secret to Happiness / Setting an Aspiration After Letting Go of Greed / Time Lag Between the Cause and the Effect
  
  Part 02 Feelings Are Formed Habits
  Freedom from Likes and Dislikes / Anger, the Inner Fuse That We Ourselves Ignite / Neither Suppressing nor Venting Anger: A Third Path / When Feeling Indignant About Not Having Retorted to What Someone Said / Turning Old Wounds into Life Assets / Regret Is Clinging onto Past Mistakes / Anxiety Is the Result of an Obsession with the Future / Superiority Complexes and Inferiority Complexes Come from the Same Place / Feelings Arise, Stay, Change, and Disappear / Formed Habits Can Be Changed
  
  Part 03 How to Live with People Who Have Different Opinions from Yours
  All Conflicts Stem from Relationships / A Good Person Versus a Bad Person / No One Has Everything in This World / Conditions for a Happy Marriage / Are You Living a Good Life or a Life That Looks Good to Others? / The Boss Who Teaches You the Middle Way / Most Relationships Are Based on Selfishness / Give-and-Take Is a Transaction, Not Love / Life Will Feel Empty If You Live with a Sense of Responsibility / Dependence is the Seed of Resentment / Stop Interfering in Other People’s Lives / All the Trees Together Make a Forest
  
  Part 04 Do Not Build Your Happiness on Other People's Misfortune
  What Is True Success? / Do Not Build Your Happiness on Other People’s Misfortune / Desire Is Like a Burning Log / Three Levels of Needs: Need, Desire, and Greed / The Individual Is the Seed and Society Is the Field / When Two Hunters Catch Three Rabbits / Become an Example First Before Criticizing Others / How to Be Happy and Benefit Others at the Same Time
  
  Part 05 Practice Being Happier Today Than Yesterday
  Letting Go of Judgments / Insightfulness, the Wisdom of Seeing the Whole / The Choice etween Conflict Escalation and Mutual Benefit / The Merit of Comforting Others / Different Levels of Love / Happiness Lies in Doing Something Fun and Rewarding / How to Organize Your Time to Live Happily / We Can Choose to Be Happy at Any Moment / About the Author

책 속으로

No matter what troubles you may face, you have the right to be happy. Use this as a guiding principle in your life. After all, who is responsible for your happiness or unhappiness?

In every situation, you are the one who is completely responsible. No one else can share this responsibility. Even if you fail an important exam, break up with a romantic partner, or lose a loved one, you can lead a happy life. Regardless of your situation, insisting that you can’t help but suffer is a waste of your life.

“I am the one who creates my own happiness. I am the one who creates my own unhappiness. Nobody creates my happiness or unhappiness except for me.”

In life, there is no single answer that will always be the right choice. We live as we choose to. But we hesitate when making choices because we don’t want to be responsible for unwanted consequences.

Most of us think that we can be happy and free only when everything turns out the way we want it to, but this is virtually impossible. Sometimes, external circumstances make it possible for things to go our way, and other times, they make it unlikely. If our own happiness is dependent on external conditions or circumstances, we can never be completely happy.

The empty winter field looks desolate after the harvest, but when spring arrives, and the weather gets warm, green shoots sprout again. The fact that green shoots sprout tells us that although it appeared as if there was nothing in the field, there were seeds in the soil.

If you hurt your own feelings, you can always repent when you realize that you’ve managed to hurt yourself. When you hurt someone else, there is no way to take back the injury, even if you repent your actions later on.

Hating someone will not only distress you but will also rob you of the freedom to see that person because you will most likely try to avoid them. Hate acts like a mental restraining order. If we don’t hate anyone, we can go anywhere freely and see anybody with ease. Yet we keep imprisoning ourselves.

Other than yourself, there’s no one in the world who torments, hurts, or makes you feel anxious. You suffer because you harbor negative memories deep inside. Understanding this starts the healing process.

The feelings of superiority and inferiority have the same root. Both accept the standards of others in different aspects of their lives.

No matter how carefully you look around the mountain, you can’t find a tree that can be cut and used as a pillar as it is. However strong and beautiful the tree may be, it must be trimmed and polished before being used. By the same token, if you’re ready to adapt to others and get along with them, you can get married to anyone. If you look for someone who will sweep you off your feet and fulfill your every need, you’ll have a hard time finding someone to marry even if you search every corner of the world.

Flowers provide bees with nectar while bees help flowers bear fruit by carrying the pollen. Likewise, we must live a life that is good for us, as well as for others. When we all realize that helping others also benefits us, and we stop regarding those acts as sacrifices, we will be on the path to shared happiness.

We often see the world through a binary lens. We think to ourselves, “This is right; that is wrong” or “I’m right; you’re wrong.” That’s why we’re continually caught up in our own judgments and trapped by our own expectations. Imagine a garden of flowers with all sorts of beautiful blossoms. They do not argue with one another or compete with one another.

An elephant was not born big because of good deeds in its previous life; a mouse isn’t small because of sins committed in its past life. There is no inequality in nature. Just because snakes eat frogs, it doesn’t mean that a snake was born superior to a frog. They’re just different species.

Giving a meal to someone who needs food, donating spare clothes to someone who needs them, and picking up a child who has fallen down are all acts of giving. As you continue to give to others, you will end up gaining much more than what you have given.

출판사 서평

“스님, 온전한 행복은 어디에서 오나요?”
“어떤 삶을 살고 있더라도 당신은 행복해질 권리가 있습니다.
그러나 남의 불행 위에 내 행복을 쌓지는 마세요!”
행복해지고 싶지만 길을 몰라 헤매는 당신에게 삶의 나침반이 되어줄 책
냉정하지만 따뜻하고, 단순하지만 명쾌한 법륜 스님의 행복 안내서

삶에 지치고, 관계에 상처받고, 부조리한 세상에 고통받는 이들에게 인생의 길잡이가 되어줄 한 권의 책이 출간되었다. 지금까지 저자가 세상에 내놓은 책들이 주로 즉문즉설을 통해 질문자들과 나눈 인생 상담 내용을 주제별로 정리한 것이었다면, 이 책은 온전한 행복은 어디에서 오는가에 대해 집중적으로 이야기하고 있다. 또한 지금까지는 수행차원에서 개인이 가져야 할 마음가짐을 주로 강조했다면 이 책에서는 행복의 수레를 끄는 또다른 바퀴인 사회문제도 함께 다루고 있다. 결국 개인의 마음(씨앗)과 사회적 조건(밭)을 함께 가꿔야 온전하게 행복해질 수 있기 때문이다. 저자의 행복론이라 할 수 있는 이 책의 전반부에서는 무의식속에 잠재된 인간의 심리와 욕구, 관계 맺기에서 오는 갈등과 같은 개인적 문제를, 그리고 후반부에서는 사는 게 바쁘다거나 직면한 현실이 불편하다는 이유로 애써 외면해왔던 사회의 구조적 모순까지 우리의 행복을 방해하는 요소들을 전체적으로 분석하고 그에 대한 지혜로운 해법을 들려준다.

냉정하지만 따뜻하고 단순하지만 명쾌한 법륜 스님의 행복론을 읽다보면 내 안에 도사리고 있던 수많은 불합리한 신념과 고정관념이 깨지면서 나와 세상을 객관적으로 바라볼 수 있게 된다. 따라서 이 책은 ‘자기’라는 울타리와 한계를 훌쩍 뛰어넘어 내 삶의 주인이자 이 세상의 주인으로 살고자 하는 이들에게 최고의 선물이 될 것이다.

Publisher's Review
“Sunim, where does true happiness come from?”
“No matter what kind of life you are leading, you have the right to be happy.
But do not build your happiness on other people's misfortune!"

This book will become a compass in life for those who want to be happy but do not know the way.

An objective but warm, simple yet clear guide to happiness by Pomnyun Sunim.

A book has been published that will guide the lives of those who are tired of life, hurt in relationships, and suffer from the irrationalities of the world. The entire book is focused on the topic of where true happiness comes from. Also, while in other books by Ven. Pomnyun Sunim the focus has been on individual practice, this book also deals with social issues, the other wheel that supports the cart of happiness. It’s because the individual mind (seed) and social conditions (field) must be cultivated together to achieve complete happiness. The first half of this book, which includes the author's theory of happiness, deals with personal problems such as human psychology and desires hidden in the subconscious and conflicts arising from relationships. The second half of the book expands into the structural contradictions in society that we have been trying to ignore because we are busy or because it makes us uncomfortable. It also provides a comprehensive analysis of the factors that hinder our happiness and offers a wise solution.

Reading the objective yet heartwarming, simple yet clear theory of happiness by Pomnyun Sunim helps us break the many irrational beliefs and stereotypes lurking in our minds, which will allow us to look at ourselves and the world more objectively. This book will be the best gift for those who want to live as the master of their own life and the master of the world, overcoming the boundaries and limitations of the "self."

‘왜 내 삶은 원하는 대로 되지 않을까?’
‘왜 대부분의 관계는 우리를 힘들게 하는가?’
‘왜 세상은 이토록 불공평한가?’
“Why doesn’t my life go the way I want?”
“Why do relationships make us suffer?”
“Why is the world so unfair?”

이상과 현실 사이에서 방황하고 있는 젊은이의 하소연에서부터 좋은 부모와 좋은 환경을 만나지 못해 억울하다는 토로, 회사생활이 너무 괴롭다는 신입사원의 울먹임 그리고 불공평한 세상에 대한 원망과 테러와 분쟁에 대한 구글 직원의 질문까지 행복에 목마른 사람들의 수만 가지 질문에 스님은 어떤 해법을 내놓고 있을까?
What kind of answer does Ven Pomnyun Sunim offer to the endless questions from people who are thirsty for happiness? These questions come from young people caught between their ideals and reality, the embittered people who groan about the unfairness of not being able to be born to good parents and be raised in a good environment, the tearful new employee who complains that company life is too difficult, those who are full of resentment about the injustice in the world, and even a Google employee who is concerned about terrorism and conflict.

“제가 많은 분들의 질문에 해답을 드리는 것 같지만, 사실은 그렇지 않습니다. 다른 관점에서 한번 살펴보라고 말하는 것뿐이에요. 앞면만 보는 사람에게 ‘뒷면은 어때요?’라고 묻고, 이쪽만 보는 사람에게 ‘저쪽 면은 어때요?’라고 묻고, 윗면만 보는 사람에게 ‘아랫면은 어때요?’ 하고 묻는 것뿐입니다. 어느 한쪽만을 바라보며 움켜쥐고 있던 것을 놓음으로써 자기가 문제 삼던 것이 문제가 안 된다는 것을 알게 되는 거예요. 사물의 전모를 볼 줄 아는 지혜가 생기면 그동안 갖고 있던 많은 고뇌들이 저절로 없어집니다. 마치 어두운 방에 등불을 켜면 어둠이 사라지는 것처럼 말이에요.”
“It seems that I provide answers to people’s questions, but that’s not true. I'm just telling them to view their problem from a different angle. All I do is suggest to a person who only sees the front side, ‘Why don’t you take a look at the backside?’ and say to a person who only sees this side, ‘Why don't you take a look at that side?’ and advise a person who only sees the top, ‘Why don’t you take a look at the bottom?’ By letting go of what you were clinging to while only looking at one side, you come to realize that what you thought was a problem is not actually a problem. Most of your anguish will naturally disappear when you develop this insight. It's similar to turning on a light in a dark room, which makes the darkness disappear right away.”

이 책에서 저자는 우리가 괴로움에서 벗어나 온전히 행복해지기 위해서는 사물의 전모를 보는 통찰력을 키워야 한다고 말한다. 즉 ‘나’라는 울타리에서 벗어나 다양한 관점에서 사물을 바라보고 생각하는 습관을 길러야 근본적으로 괴로움을 해결할 수 있다는 것이다. 그러기 위해서 저자는 지금까지 우리가 행복으로 가는 고속도로라고 고집스럽게 붙잡고 있던 고정관념과 전제를 내려놓는 것에서부터 시작해보자고 제안한다.
According to the author of this book, in order to end suffering and achieve complete happiness, we must develop our insight, which enables us to see the whole picture. In other words, only by breaking away from the boundaries of “I” and developing the habit of thinking and seeing things from multiple perspectives can we free ourselves from the root of suffering. To make this possible, the author advises us to begin by letting go of the stereotypes and assumptions that we have been stubbornly holding onto, thinking they were the fastest way to reaching happiness.

스님, 온전한 행복은 어디에서 오나요?
행복에 목마른 수백만 독자들의 삶을 바꾼 인생의 지혜
Sunim, where does true happiness come from?
The wisdom that has changed the lives of millions of readers who thirst for happiness

평면에서는 두 점 사이의 최단거리를 딱 하나밖에 그을 수 없다는 것이 상식이자 공리다. 하지만 둥근 지구본을 놓고 보면 한 점에서 다른 한 점으로 가는 최단거리는 수없이 많다. 평면이라는 전제가 사라지면 최단거리는 무수히 많아진다. 우리 삶도 마찬가지여서 행복의 전제조건을 정해놓고 그 기준에 맞춰 행복하려고 애쓰면 그 방법밖에 없는 것처럼 보지만 이 전제를 내려놓는 순간 행복으로 가는 수많은 길이 열린다.
It is both common sense and a mathematical axiom that only one shortest path can be drawn between two locations on a flat surface. However, on a globe, with its curved surface, there are infinite ways to travel the shortest distance from one point to another. If the premise of a flat surface disappears, the number of ways to draw the shortest distance increases beyond count. It’s the same with our lives. If we determine the prerequisites for happiness and strive to be happy based on those criteria, it may seem that there is only one way to become happy. However, as soon as we let go of these prerequisites, countless paths to happiness open up.

이 책에서 저자는 행복에 목마른 사람들에게 이제부터라도 그동안 우리가 당연하게 생각하며 움켜쥐고 있던 것들을 내려놓고, 오늘 우리가 사는 방식과 가치관에 근본적인 문제를 제기해 보자고 제안한다. 그러기 위해서는 가장 먼저 지금 우리의 행복을 방해하는 것이 무엇인지 알아야 한다고 말한다. 자신이 행복하지 못한 원인을 분명히 알 때 비로소 문제해결의 길도 열리기 때문이다. 그러면 앞뒤 안 가리고 무조건 행복해지겠다고 달려가는데, 정작 행복과는 거리가 멀어지는 실수를 범하지 않을 수 있을 것이다.
In this book, the author proposes to those who thirst for happiness to let go of the assumptions we hold onto and ask ourselves fundamental questions about our current lifestyles and values. He claims that the first step in doing this is understanding what is keeping us from being happy right now. This is because we will be able to discover the way to solve the problem only when we clearly know the cause of our unhappiness. Then, we will be able to avoid the mistake of inadvertently running farther away from happiness while desperately trying to be happy.

“어떤 삶을 살고 있더라도 당신은 행복해질 권리가 있다.
그러나 남의 불행 위에 내 행복을 쌓지는 마라!”
“No matter what kind of life you live, you have a right to be happy.
But do not build your happiness on other people’s misfortune!”

GDP가 올라가고 우리 삶은 예전과 비교할 수 없을 만큼 윤택해졌지만, 오히려 예전보다 더 살기 힘들고 희망도 보이지 않는다고 말하는 사람들이 늘고 있다. 그렇다면 우리가 사는 이 시대에 행복의 개념은 뭘까? 대부분 재물이든, 권력이든, 명예든, 지식이든 무조건 ‘남보다’ 많이 소유해서 고생하지 않고 편하게 사는 것이다. 그러기 위해 저마다 더 좋은 자리, 더 많은 이익을 차지하려고 하니까 다툼이 생기고 갈등의 골이 깊어질 수밖에 없다. 이기면 행복한 것이고, 지면 불행하다고 생각한다. 누구나 다 남을 이기고서 승자가 되려고 한다. 특히나 지금 우리 사회는 성공하려면 다른 사람의 희생을 딛고 올라서야 하는 구조다. 하지만 법륜 스님은 “나만 천당 가고 극락에 가려는 이기적 행복 추구로는 결코 행복해질 수 없다”고 잘라 말한다. 그러면서 이렇게 덧붙인다.
“우리가 말하는 행복이란 결국 다른 사람의 불행 위에 서 있습니다. 내가 시험에 합격했다고 기뻐할 때 누군가는 불합격의 쓴맛을 봐요. 내가 선거에 붙었다고 기쁨을 누릴 때 누군가는 낙선하고 절망에 빠져 있습니다. 내가 경쟁 입찰에서 낙찰을 받았다고 즐거워할 때 누군가는 낙찰을 못 받아 뒷수습문제로 골치가 아플 거예요. 조직 내에서도 높은 수입을 챙기는 사람이 있는 반면, 고용 불안정에 낮은 수입으로 생활하고 있는 사람도 있을 겁니다. 조직 밖에는 그런 일자리마저 구하지 못해 힘들어하는 사람들도 많아요.”
그렇다면 이러한 모순을 뛰어넘어 나도 행복하고 너도 행복해지는 길은 없을까? 저자는 이 책에서 오늘날 우리가 비록 경쟁사회에 살고 있지만, 경쟁에서 이기면서도 타인을 억누르지 않고, 경쟁에서 지면서도 패배감 없이 사는 비결을 소개한다.
With Korea’s growing GDP, our lives have become considerably more affluent compared to the past. However, increasingly more people claim that life has become more difficult and there is no hope for improvement in sight. In this day and age, how do we define happiness? For most of us, it's about possessing more wealth, more power, a higher reputation, and more knowledge. In essence, it's to live in comfort by possessing more than others. Friction becomes inevitable and conflicts deepen as we all fight to live a better life and claim more profits than others. We think we are happy when we win and that we are unhappy when we lose. Everyone wants to be a winner. Society today rewards people who take advantage of others and their sacrifices. However, Ven. Pomnyun Sunim says flatly: “You can never be happy by being selfish and trying to go to heaven by yourself.”

He then adds: “What we call happiness today is really built on other people’s misfortune. When you are happy about passing a test, someone else is experiencing the bitterness of failing it. When you are feeling elated for winning an election, someone else is feeling miserable for losing it. While you are delighted for securing a contract with a higher bid, there are those who have a big headache trying to pick up the pieces after losing the bid. Within the same company, there are those with secure positions and high salaries while there are those with temporary positions and low wages. There are also many people who aren’t even able to get a temporary job.”

Could there be a way to overcome this contradiction and for everyone to be happy together? In this book, the author introduces us to the key to winning in our competitive society without stepping over others and living without a sense of defeat even when we lose in a competition.

나도 행복하고 남도 행복해지는 제3의 길
주어진 삶을 80 대 20으로 살아보기
A Third Way: Me and Others Becoming Happy Together
Live the 80:20 Lifestyle

“제 삶의 경쟁력은 다른 사람들보다 행복하다는 데 있습니다. 남들보다 얼마나 더 능력이 있고 얼마나 더 재주가 뛰어난지에 있지 않아요. 비록 저는 나이가 들었지만 젊은 사람들보다 더 행복하고, 혼자 살지만 결혼한 사람보다 더 행복해요. 건강이 조금 안 좋지만 건강한 사람보다 행복합니다. 여러분들도 이런 행복의 무기를 하나씩은 가져야 합니다. 물론 우리가 아직 부족한 것도 사실이에요. 그래서 가끔은 짜증도 내고, 성질도 내고, 욕심도 내지만 ‘그래도 남보다는 내가 조금 더 행복하다. 짜증을 내지만 너보다는 덜 낸다. 나도 괴롭지만 너보다는 덜 괴롭다’ 이런 마음을 가져야 합니다.”
“My competitive edge lies in being happier than others. I am in no way more skilled or talented than others. I am quite old but happier than someone young. I live alone, but I'm happier than someone who is married. I'm not in the best of health, but I'm happier than someone who is healthy. You should all have an edge over others in terms of happiness. Of course, we all have room for improvement. We might get upset, angry, and even greedy sometimes, but we should have the confidence to think: “I am a bit happier than others. I'm upset but less upset than you. I'm miserable but less so than you.”

삶의 안내자 법륜 스님이 자기 삶에 견주어서 건네는 이 말은 행복해지고 싶지만 길을 몰라 헤매는 사람들에게 인생의 나침반이 되어주고 길잡이가 되어줄 것이다. 마지막으로 저자는 이렇게 덧붙인다.
“그렇게 내 인생의 무거운 짐을 내려놓았다면 그때부터는 다른 사람의 아픔에도 시선을 돌려 보세요. 꽃은 벌에게 꿀을 주고, 벌은 꽃가루를 옮겨 꽃이 열매를 맺게 해주잖아요. 이렇게 너도 좋고 나도 좋은 삶을 살아야 합니다. 나 혼자만 성공하겠다거나 나만 잘살아보겠다는 생각이 아니라 이 세상에 필요한 사람, 세상에 기꺼이 쓰이는 사람이 되겠다는 마음으로 살아갈 때 자기도 행복하고 세상에도 보탬이 됩니다. 그것이 곧 우리가 행복해질 권리를 실천하는 길 이기도 합니다. 따라서 인생에 주어진 시간이 100이라면 80 정도는 현재의 자기 삶에 충실하면서도 20 정도는 세상문제에 관심을 가지고 세상에서 필요로 하는 일을 해보라는 것입니다. 그러면 직장도 다니고 연애도 하고 결혼도 하고 봉사활동도 할 수 있어요. 일상생활 속에서 20퍼센트의 시간을 내면 자기 삶을 더 복되게 살 수 있습니다.”
Ven. Pomnyun Sunim’s wise words, based on his life experiences, should become a compass and guide for people who want to be happy but don't know the way. Finally, the author adds: “Once you've put down the heavy weight of your own life, turn your attention to other people’s pain. Flowers provide bees with nectar while bees help flowers bear fruit by carrying pollen from flower to flower. Likewise, we must live a life that is good for us, as well as for others. Instead of working for only ourselves and our own success, if we try to become someone who is useful in the world and needed by others, we can be happy and also contribute to the world at the same time. That is also the way for us to exercise our right to be happy. If you have 100 hours in your life, spend 80 hours living your own life but spend the rest of the time taking an interest in social issues and doing something that benefits others. Then, you can be successful at work, have a family, and also do volunteer work. If you just use 20 percent of your time for others, you can live a much more fulfilling life."

기본정보

ISBN	9791187297451
발행(출시)일자	2022년 11월 28일
쪽수	312쪽
크기	146 * 210 mm
총권수	1권